Get Ripped 2006
I HATE cancer. If I never have to see another slide w/ nuclear atypia ... who knows. Studying cancer, I've noticed, actually has striking cancer inducing effects. In my case I have developed a rapidly progressive panicular lipoma as evidenced by the picture. Other signs of panicular lipoma include a pencil neck, caboose ass, twig arms and curly hairs around the ears.
Diagnosis of a panicular lipoma is best done using a form of subtle plantar flexion palpation to the massively distended abdomen. Carefully avoid heal induced testicular trauma!!
Etiology of panicular lipoma: Procrastination induced exam cramming.
Pathogenesis: The initiating event of panicular lipoma formation is a serious binge eating event while frantically cramming over tests. The condition is exacerbated by continued bouts of eating, sitting on ones ass and incessantly drinking diet Mountain Dew.
Treatment: The DESDM (Don't Eat So Damn Much) Diet and a MYA (Move Your Ass) Exercise program have been proven in French Phase III clinical trials to significantly lower the incidence of panicular lipoma.
To treat my individual case of panicular lipoma I've initiated the Get Ripped 2006 program. Keep checking to see more details. This evening I went to the gym to lift weights .... and then celebrated my new program by eating half a pizza, a heaping bowl of Moose Lake Fudge frozen yogurt and a large bowl of pretzels.
The Get Ripped 2006 program will consist of weekly photos, a regular weight lifting schedule and cardiovascular endurance training. GR2006 is aimed at completing the Fargo Half Marathon, the Seattle Marathon and the Square Lake Half Ironman Triathlon. I'll post more details later.
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GR2006 - 3/3/06
- Weights today: 3pm - chest, bis, tris and legs workout
- Cardio today: None
- Swimming today: 0
- Swimming meters this week: 0
- Swim total to date: 0
- Bike today: 0
- Bike time this week: 0
- Bike total to date: 0
- Running today: 0
- Running miles this week: 18m
- Run total to date: 18m
PS - Happy Buuthday Cwith Webthock. If you keep lifting your neck muscles someday you'll be as big as Bawwy Bennett. Try the GR2006 program.
posted by andy at 10:32 PM
2 Comments:
Andy, as those of us who have had the pleasure of being given the sole duty of "pannus holder" during 2 hour long codes can attest, panicular lipoma can be a truly devastating disease. Not as devastating as calcaneal-testicular collision disorder.
PS - I think you should change the name of your program to "GRer2006" b/c yous already a shredded man
i forgot to put ", however" after talking about CTCD, so my comment looks stupid
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